One To Remember
by randomwriting
Summary: Finding one's missing Christmas spirit sometimes requires looking beneath the wrapping and decorations. SC


One To Remember

Disclaimer: CBS, creators, producers, etc., own all recognizable characters, not me.

A/N: This fic is part of The Promises Made Series.

One To Remember

Tim dragged himself through the door wanting nothing more than a beer and a pillow to lay his head on. Coming off a long shift that began with a crack of dawn call out, he was exhausted. He also had eleven-month-old twin daughters to blame for his current state. They liked waking up at random, odd hours most nights, thereby interrupting his sleep. He glanced at his watch and winced. His wife expected him home an hour ago and he never called to tell her he'd be late. She was usually understanding, knew that the job never came with set hours, but she always appreciated a heads up about these things.

Sighing heavily, he rubbed his forehead, hoping to dislodge the headache beginning to take root there and wondered if there was any way he could get out of whatever it was that she had planned for them tonight. The sounds of grating Christmas carols assaulted his ears as soon as he walked into the foyer, instantly reminding him of tonight's scheduled family fun: Christmas shopping. The thought of which caused an automatic groan to escape his lips. He hated any and all shopping to begin with, but Christmas shopping, with the crowds and the music and the forced artificial cheerfulness, really rankled him.

Christmas shopping with the twins, when he was exhausted and in a bad mood to begin with would be enough to put him over the edge. But for whatever reason, Calleigh had her heart set on this night of shopping and had been planning it all week. He had no choice but to make the best of it. She'd be counting on his help with the twins and he couldn't let her down, no matter how tired he was. He could only imagine how the girls were going to tolerate an evening of Christmas shopping in a hot, crowded mall. He grimaced just thinking about it. Of course, if they were anything like their mother, they'd probably revel in it, he thought to himself while shaking his head.

"Hey Cal, I'm home. Where are you?" he called out, making a gallant attempt to sound cheerier than he felt. He wandered through the kitchen and into the living room, passing an array of baby gear, toys and now, Christmas decorations that seemed to multiply every day. One thing was certain, his closet interior decorator wife was outdoing herself this year with the decorating. He shook his head trying to take it all in.

"In here, Sweetie," she answered in her sweet, lilting drawl, the sound of which still had the ability to make his heart skip a beat in anticipation. He followed the sound of her voice, along with the accompanying squeals and babbles, to his daughters' pale pink bedroom.

"Sorry I'm late. I got held up and forgot to call," he said to her back as he detoured to the crib where Hannah Kate was excitedly bouncing up and down while holding on for dear life to the side rail. At the sight of him she babbled excitedly, "dada, dada, dada." He bent down to kiss her forehead and she squealed in delight. "Hey little one," he said, stroking her soft curls and feeling a smile creep onto his lips. "You're gonna wear yourself out with all that bouncing."

"Bad day?" Calleigh asked from her position at the changing table. He joined her side, leaning in to drop a kiss on her lips, much to the delight of squirming, shrieking Emma Claire.

"No worse than usual, just a bit longer." He shrugged and stole another kiss, holding it as long as he could. "You need a hand?" he asked as he stroked another head of soft blonde curls.

"You can take Emma for me because I'm finished with her. That would be a big help. I'll get Hannah dressed. Just please try not to mess her hair," she said pointing to the tiny green ribbon tied on a lock of hair. Tim raised his eyebrows at the sight while he took the busy bundle into his arms.

"Cal, she's awfully dressed up. What is this get-up she's wearing?" His eyes traveled over his daughter, clad in a lush, emerald green velvet dress tied with a dark green satin sash. On her feet were tiny black patent leather Mary- Janes. "Is she going somewhere tonight that I'm not?" he asked, sounding confused.

"Isn't she beautiful?" Calleigh asked, ignoring his question, as she smoothed the front of the dress. She cooed at her daughter, who giggled in return, loving her mother's attention.

"She is, but why is she so dressed up?" he asked again, giving his wife a skeptical look.

"Your mother sent the dresses for them to wear on Christmas," she started.

"My mother. Figures. What does she do, send them clothes every other day? Why does she do that? Does she think I can't afford to clothe my own daughters?" he asked, not disguising his disgust. Calleigh shot him a look of disappointment tinged with annoyance.

"She's excited to be a grandmother. I would think that would please you," she said while she grabbed Hannah from the crib. "I know the two of you don't often see eye to eye, but she loves the girls and she's really trying to be a part of their lives. I think she gets a lot of pleasure out of shopping for them. It's fun for her, she never had a little girl to dress up. Would you rather she not care at all?" she asked, but didn't wait for his response. "Your parents are really happy about spending Christmas with us, maybe you could try a little harder to appreciate them. Buying things for the girls is not a knock on your ability to provide for us. Honestly Tim, I wish you could stop focusing on the negative," she said, as she dressed a wiggling Hannah in her matching velvet frock.

"You never told me, why are the girls so dressed up? It's not Christmas today, at least not the last time I checked the calendar and all we're doing tonight is shopping, right?" he asked, ignoring her last comment.

"They're dressed up for their first visit with Santa," she said with a tone suggesting he should already know this. "It's for the Christmas card photo," she replied, the excitement now back in her voice as she deftly put two tiny, wiggling feet in two tiny shoes. "It's two weeks till Christmas and I have to get it now if I have any hope of getting them in the mail before the 24th. I think it'll be a cute picture, something everyone will enjoy."

"You've got to be kidding, you can't really be serious," he scoffed.

"What's wrong with a Santa picture?" she asked, eyes blazing.

"They're babies. Why would they need to see Santa? And you can't be serious about putting them in some stranger's lap, can you?" he asked, looking astonished. "Emma will freak out, she only likes a couple of people as it is." Of the two girls, Emma was the more tentative and didn't normally warm up to strangers who came too close. Where Hannah embraced every new person and situation with delight, Emma cast a wary eye instead.

"It's just for a quick photo. She'll be fine. We'll be right there with her. It's Santa," she said, as if that explained everything.

"I still don't see why they have to go see Santa, much less have a picture with him. It's not like they even know who he is," he argued.

"Well you're right Tim. They don't know what Christmas is either. Should we just not celebrate the holiday this year?" she asked as she brushed Hannah's hair and put the green ribbon in place.

Her back was to him, but he had a pretty good idea what look was on her face and it wasn't one he liked. By the defiant tone in her voice he could tell she was digging her heels in. He took in a deep breath before responding. "I'm not suggesting we have to skip Christmas. I just don't know why you have to make such a big deal about it. The twins won't know the difference."

"They won't, but I will. I half hoped it mattered to you as well," she answered, still not looking at him.

"So fine, make a big deal about it, go crazy, if that makes you happy. Leave me out of it. Just tell me, why did you have to invite everyone we know to spend the holiday at our house and invite my parents to stay here on top of everything else going on? Is that really what we need right now?" he asked sounding aggravated, as Emma squirmed in his arms, anxious for him to get moving.

"Yes, I did. Because, it's not just Christmas, it's the girls' first Christmas and to all of the people who love them, that's a very big deal. Apparently to you it's not," she said accusingly. She picked Hannah up off the table and turned, looking him square in the eye while she awaited his response.

"I'm exhausted Calleigh," he snapped. "Do you know how many hours a week I work lately? And I never sleep an entire night, so I'm always tired. Forgive me for not getting excited about Christmas trees and Christmas music and Christmas shopping and Christmas company when I've been working in one bloody crime scene after another all day long and getting my sleep interrupted all night long."

"Gee Tim, I didn't realize that you were the only one not getting any sleep in this house. And I work, too, you know. I may not work the hours or crime scenes that you do, but you don't have the responsibility of meeting the needs of two babies all day long either. Do you think what I do is easy or that I don't get tired?" she snapped back.

"Calleigh..." he began, but didn't get far before his wife started up again and his daughter began whimpering. He gently bounced her in his arms and patted her back.

"Maybe it is silly to fuss about the holiday, because you're right, the girls don't know what's going on. But you know what Tim, they love the decorations and the music and all the excitement. And I love seeing everything through their eyes. You should try it sometime." He wanted to speak, but she wasn't stopping to take a breath. "We read books about Santa and Christmas, so they are learning. Their eyes light up every time I turn on the tree lights. If you paid attention, you'd see that. To me, their first Christmas is a very big deal and I don't care how tired I am."

"That's not fair, Calleigh. I'm just trying my best to get through each day." That sounded like an amazing understatement to his ears. Lately, he never felt like his head was above water. The holidays just added to a load that already felt overwhelming. And overwhelming was exactly how everything felt to him these days, everything except maybe his job. For the most part, he was competent and content in his trace lab, far more competent than he was at home.

Calleigh had no complaints about his parenting skills, she actually seemed quite pleased with him most of the time and maybe a little surprised too, though she'd never admit it. As for his daughters, they also seemed pretty happy with him, their delight showing on their little faces whenever he appeared. And he had to admit, he did have a knack for comforting them when they were fussy, but for the most part he felt like a fish out of water. Calleigh thought they would learn how to parent as they went along, but that went against his methodical nature. He thought they ought to know what they were doing first and most of the time, he didn't.

"Is that really how you feel? That this is just something you have 'to get through'?" she asked. He heard her voice catch as she spoke. "Would you rather not..." her voice trailed off before she finished her sentence and he watched as she clutched Hannah closer to her body. He blinked rapidly and swallowed hard as her words cut through him.

"Of course not, how can you even ask me that?" He exhaled heavily as he shifted his weight and switched fussing Emma to his other side. "You know how much I love them. But you have to admit it can be a bit overwhelming, that's all I'm trying to say. The holidays just make it worse."

In all the years he was single, he never once thought about having a family or ever aspired to be someone's father. It wasn't something he thought he'd be any good at. But falling in love and marrying Calleigh changed everything. It may not have been in his original plans, but he knew having kids would be their eventual next step. She was meant to be a mother and it was something he wanted for her. In time, having a child with Calleigh became something he also looked forward to. Sadly, parenthood eluded them for awhile. Two Christmases ago, Calleigh suffered her second unexplained miscarriage and the months following were the lowest for both of them. Seeing his wife in such emotional pain wasn't anything he ever wanted to revisit.

For them, the third time was the charm and the news that they were having twins was an unexpected, yet happy surprise. It was overwhelming from the beginning and hadn't let up at all. But where Calleigh treated each day with the twins like it was a surprise party she was the guest of honor at, Tim felt like he was barely getting by. He loved his wife and his baby daughters with all of his heart and he never wanted to imagine his life without them, but sometimes, the responsibility and the worry got to him. Add to that the stress of his job, coupled with a constant lack of sleep and he ended up in a mood like the one he was in now. Most days it felt like they were burning the candle at both ends and presently, it was pulling them apart.

Facing her now, he looked deeply into her tear filled eyes and he felt his heart break. This was the woman he loved more than anything and he never wanted to see her in pain, but that was exactly what he was seeing and he was the cause of it. Revealed to him in her sad eyes was everything that she wasn't saying: this Christmas with the twins was a joyous miracle she thought they'd never experience.

His mind traveled back to the Christmas day she laid in his arms sobbing until no tears were left and he felt a sizeable lump grow in his throat at that memory. Of course this Christmas was important to her, to both of them. Despite the day to day struggles he faced, that was something he never should have lost sight of. Quickly, he placed Emma in the crib behind him. Taking Hannah from Calleigh before either could protest, he sat her in the crib as well. He gave the girls each a toy, hoping it would buy them a few minutes of peace. Sweeping his wife into his embrace, he held her tightly, dropping kisses onto the top of her head.

"I'm so sorry, Baby. I don't want to fight with you. I'm sorry I've been such a disappointment lately. I really do want this to be a nice Christmas. I love you, more than anything. You have to know that the three of you are all that matter to me. I'm sorry if I don't always show it," he said as he stroked her back.

"I know... I know you do. It's okay. You're tired; we're both worn out. I know how hard you work every day," she sniffled into his chest. He could tell she was trying hard not to cry, which wasn't the case for the two in the crib behind them, as the sounds of whimpering became louder.

"And I know how hard you work, every day, non-stop with the twins. I could never manage the way you have. You're an amazing mother, I don't tell you that often enough. That they are as happy and bright as they are is because of all you do with them," he told her with admiration.

"Well, thank you, but I did have some help, you know," she said looking up at him. "There have been some moments I wouldn't want to repeat," she laughed lightly, "but overall it's been even better than I dreamed it would be."

"Cal, I wouldn't trade a second of the past year...well, except maybe the waking at night part. I could live without that going on for as long as it has." He chuckled and felt her head nod against his chest. "Are you okay?" he asked softly, tightening his hold on her.

"I'm good," she answered, taking a deep breath. "You?"

"As long as we're okay and they're okay," he said, stealing a glance at the duo behind him, "then I'm good. So, no more tears, any of you," he said turning to face the twins, once more, who were now standing in the crib. "We've got a date with Santa tonight. You wanna get going?" he asked Calleigh, tipping her chin to him.

"You sure?" she asked with a small smile, meeting his eyes with her tear filled ones.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Can't have them all dressed up with no where to go, can we?" He didn't wait for her answer, he simply placed his lips on hers, kissing her soundly. "I'll take the girls, you go get yourself ready. Is food factoring into the evening?" he asked with a smirk. She nodded. "Then it sounds like we have a plan."

He scooped up one twin, while Calleigh handed him the other. It was getting harder and harder to transport two in his arms at the same time these days. They bounced and wiggled so much, he was always afraid of dropping one, something he'd never done thus far and he hoped to keep it that way.

Seeing them now, in their pretty velvet dresses and shiny black shoes, they looked nothing like the two tiny infants they brought home from the hospital. His mind traveled back to their first day at home, when he stood by the crib for ages, just watching them sleep and marveling at their very existence. Those days suddenly felt very far away and the realization caused a pang of regret.

Beautiful girls, they were the spitting image of their mother and identical to each other. He and Calleigh could now easily tell them apart, but that wasn't always the case and most people still had difficulty. He chuckled at the memory of mixing them up, something he had done on several occasions when they were tiny infants. It usually entailed frantically comparing footprints and fingerprints. Although he could see the humor in it now, at the time there was nothing funny about the mix-ups. To be on the safe side, their ears had been pierced when they were three-months-old and they wore different colored gemstone earrings, preventing any future mix-ups.

He carried the fussing pair into the living room. Their cries quieted down and changed over to squeals and babbles when he brought them closer to the tree. Amazing how quickly they went back to being the happy babies they usually were. Calleigh, as usual, was right, their eyes lit up in the presence of the Christmas tree. There was a lot of pointing, a recently acquired skill and reaching out for the ornaments by eager, little hands. As he juggled the bouncing two, he realized it wouldn't be much longer before they'd be running around on their own. They already stood and with help, tried to take steps.

The last eleven months had brought practically daily changes and new accomplishments. His heart swelled with pride as he thought about how smart they both were. Happy almost all the time, they had been pretty easy babies, except for the sleep thing. He and Calleigh had truly been doubly blessed. But the year was going by much too quickly. Soon, they wouldn't be babies at all and he knew now he would miss this time in their lives tremendously.

They happily babbled away, most of it making little sense to him except, "dada", one of their favorite words. The two shared a vocabulary of about five words he understood clearly, but each day he heard the beginnings of a new word from one of them. Tonight held a surprise as Hannah pointed to the tree and very clearly said, "tee."

His eyes widened as he looked at her. "Well, aren't you just the smartest girl. That's right, that's our Christmas tree. Does your mama know how smart you are?"

Calleigh surprised him from behind just then, wrapping her arms around him and resting her head by his shoulder. "Why yes she does. I see she shared her new word with you. She's quite proud of herself." He nodded and smiled, glad they had gotten past the earlier tension. It wasn't something either was used to.

"They're growing up so fast. I don't know where the time's going. Wasn't it just yesterday that we brought them home?" he asked, a touch of wistfulness in his voice. "They used to be so tiny, now I can barely manage two at a time."

"I know. It feels that way for me, too. I never want to forget this time, because we don't get it back. You have to relax a little more, Tim and just enjoy the ride we're on," she said, as usual, knowing just what to say.

OTR OTR OTR

It was over heated, over crowded, over decorated and just generally over stimulating at the mall, but Tim's mood had never been better. The twins generated more attention than usual, dressed as they were in their holiday finery, but tonight he didn't mind so much, especially seeing how they and their mother were basking in it.

"You seem a lot happier. I'm glad," she said, smiling at him. He nodded.

"I am. This is...actually nice. I like being out with all of you, even here at the mall. Speaking of which, what exactly are we getting them for Christmas?" he asked as they window-shopped.

"Mostly books. Oh, and cats. They both love cats for some reason. Probably because they're cute, small and fluffy," she said.

He brought the stroller to an abrupt stop and eyed her, with his brow knit and his eyes narrowed. "You're kidding, right?"

She laughed. "Don't fret, not real cats. They're too little for pets. Stuffed animals, you know, to cuddle and play with."

He breathed a sigh of relief. "I hate cats. I thought you meant real ones."

"We'll save those for when they're older," she said laughing, causing him to grumble under his breath.

"So, that's all they're getting? It doesn't seem like much."

"Tim, you're the one who said they don't even know what Christmas is and now you want to buy them lots of presents," she said in amazement.

"Well, yeah. Don't you? It's their first Christmas."

"Everyone else will be getting them so much, we really don't need to. They'll be exhausted just opening gifts."

He thought about that a moment. "Good. Maybe then they'll sleep all night for a change." He glanced over and caught her grinning at him with a noticeable gleam in her eye. "What?" he asked, with raised eyebrows and a perplexed look on his face.

"Nothing really, just thinking that you behind a stroller is kind of a sexy look," she told him still grinning.

"Oh, ya think so?" he asked incredulously.

She nodded. "Yeah, I do. Makes you look kinda hot."

"Hot? I think I'll be reminding you of that later," he said with a smirk.

"I look forward to it," she said as they parked the stroller and lifted the twins out.

The staging area for Santa was elaborately decorated with a huge lit tree, animatronic reindeer and elves, giant candy canes and every other Christmas decoration one could imagine. The twins' eyes were saucer sized they tried to take everything in.

"Cat! Cat! Cat!" both exclaimed at the sight of the moving reindeer. Well, at least they correctly identified them as animals, he thought, shaking his head. "Reindeer," he told them, over and over.

Their turn with Santa came after a short wait. Calleigh smoothed hair and dresses before placing a still wide-eyed Hannah in Santa's lap as Tim watched cautiously. After appearing momentarily shocked, she relaxed and began babbling as if he were an old friend. Next, it was Tim's turn to place Emma in the jolly old man's lap. The gentleman looked harmless and actually made a fine looking Santa, but Emma was not as trusting as her sister. As Tim took one step closer, she buried herself in his chest and whimpered. No amount of soothing murmurs from him helped. Calleigh also tried, offering her own reassurances from her position by Hannah, to no avail.

"Calleigh, there's no way she doing this. She won't even look at him," Tim said, shaking his head, protectively holding his daughter against close.

"She might if you stay with her," she suggested, pointing to the extra space on the tufted love seat Santa was sitting on.

"You can't be serious," he said, looking at her from under an arched eyebrow. She nodded her head and looked at him hopefully. "You can't expect me to sit there. I don't want to be in the picture."

"Tim it's the only way to get the photo. Please... It's important to me," she pleaded. One look into her green eyes and he knew it was hopeless. The Speedle family Christmas card this year would include the, hopefully, smiling twins, a jolly Santa... and him. It could be worse, he thought, she could've made him wear something festive tonight.

"Move over Santa," he said grudgingly. Hannah squealed and shook her hands at her father from her place in Santa's lap. Safe and secure in her father's arms, Emma finally settled into Tim's lap, taking her head away from his chest long enough to steal tentative glances at the man in red. "It's okay Em. It's just Santa. Daddy won't let anything happen. You're fine. I won't go anywhere," he said softly. She smiled at him, pointed to Santa's white beard and said very loudly, "cat!" She then looked up at Tim, quite proud of herself. His face broke into a grin just as the photographer snapped the photo.

He looked over at his wife, who appeared as proud as his daughter did. Her eyes brimmed with tears, as she smiled back at him. She had never looked more beautiful in his eyes than she did right then. Nestled on the love seat with Santa, was all she held dear and it showed on her face. They were a family. It was all she'd ever wanted and he'd had a part in giving her that. But as usual, she'd given him so much more. She reminded him what was really important, what he sometimes lost sight of when he let himself get bogged down. He felt the lump in his throat again. He knew he faced many more sleepless nights in the future, lots more stress and even more worries. What he would never have was another first year like this one. And he would never have another first Christmas.

The twins would never remember their first Christmas. Santa's beard would never again be mistaken for a cat. All of this was for Tim and Calleigh. Long after the girls had grown up and begun their own lives, the two of them would have these memories along with the love they shared. And that's what was most important. Everything else was just decoration and wrapping. She had known that all along. It just took him a little while longer to figure it out.

It was going to be a memorable Christmas, the best one yet.

the end


End file.
